Somewhere in it all

They take their first breath. And there I am. Underneath them. Breathless by the beauty I now hold.

They smile for the first time. And there I am. In front of them. A reflection of happiness.

They take their first steps. And there I am. Beside them. Holding onto what is slowly slipping through my fingers.

Then for the first time they leave through the kindergarten gates. And there I am. Behind them. Putting on a brave face, while crumbling inside.

In that moment I’m met with a stark realisation of the lasts that are already here.

I’m reminded that we don’t have much time left of just us.

I’m faced with every little first that got us there.

And it’s heavy.

Gut wrenching.

The most beautiful ache.

Because those firsts and lasts - they are the moments that seem most memorable, because they are fraught with every emotion I didn’t know I could feel in this exact way.

But what about everything in between?

What about the moments of carrying on as it has been?

The ordinary, same old routines that change just a little each day?

They’ve got to count too right?

Because those cuddles in the middle of the night - the ones that are not the first or last - they are the constant for now, are they not?

And those little chats we have in the car on the way to the same thing as yesterday - they are meaningful too aren’t they?

And what about the way we just feel so damn lucky as we behold their sleeping faces? There is something so beautiful about the changing but familiar, isn’t there?

This is what I forget sometimes.

The moments that come in the middle.

The bits that I don’t often see because they are largely the same, but different.

But they count. They do.

More than I give them credit for.

In fact, they are the monumental moments.

Because while the firsts and lasts will come and go,

There will always be the middle of somewhere.

The bit in between, where we we spend most of our time growing and changing and loving.

The bit where we are, every ordinary day, making extraordinary memories.

The bit where we get to stay for a while, somewhere in it all.