Pulled by love

When things go wrong, I still think of her.

I want to call her and tell her.

I want her reassurance, and advice.

⠀

She’s sometimes the first person I want to hear on the other end of the phone.

Please answer.

And she’s also the last person I want to feel my pain.

Don’t make her worry.

⠀

But I call her anyway.

Because I know she will want to help.

And I know she will worry anyway.

The worry never stops.

But neither does the pull.

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I still gravitate to her.

Even though we are apart.

Even though all these years have passed.

Even though I’m an adult and I have my own children, and husband, and life to worry about.

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“I want to call mum”.

These are the words that came after some bad news.

And they made me realise.

I still need her.

I will probably always still need her.

Sometimes, somewhere, somehow.

⠀

And I love that.

Because it means that maybe, just maybe, my children will always need me too.

⠀