What leads us home

I want to have more sleep.

But I don’t want to be needed less.

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I want to have more time to pursue my own dreams.

But I don’t want to miss out on theirs.

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I want to have more quality time with my husband.

But I don’t want to get behind for tomorrow.

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I want to go out all night with friends.

But I don’t want to leave my babies.

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I want to finish what I start.

But I don’t want to begin the end of this chapter.

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I want to know they’ll always be alright.

But I don’t want to overthink everything.

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I want to buy something nice for myself.

But I don’t want to feel guilty about it.

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I want to show them the way.

But I don’t want to lose myself in the process.

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I want to go on holiday with them.

But I don’t want to feel tired the whole time.

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I want to have more time in the day.

But I don’t want to spend the whole day cleaning.

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I want to hang our family photos.

But I don’t want daily reminders of how fast it’s really going.

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I want to do my hair nicely for a change.

But I don’t want to be stressed while doing it.

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I want to read up on current affairs.

But I don’t want to worry myself sick for their future.

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I want to do more of what I used to enjoy.

But I don’t want to sacrifice the time I won’t get back.

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I want to relax more.

But I don’t want to care less.

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I want a break.

But I don’t want to miss them.

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I want everything.

But I want nothing other than their hearts inside of mine.

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I want. I want. I want.

But. But. But.

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Overthink. Overthink. Overthink.

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

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This isn’t simple.

Motherhood is not simple.

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But wanting to love them is.

No buts, no overthinking, no guilt.

It’s the answer to every question.

It’s the path that always leads us home.