My second child,
There’s so much I want to tell you.
⠀
I remember you in my arms for the first time. Like it was my first time all over again. Like it was yesterday.
Read MoreI have a lot of different smiles.
The pretending that I’m ok when I’m not smile.
The awkward “I don’t remember your name but I’ll smile and wave anyway” smile.
The polite “thank you” smile.
The insecure closed mouth or hand covered smile.
Read MoreOne day we’ll sit together and you will ask me about this time.
We will peruse the old photos of us, and talk about the stage of life you won’t remember a lot of but which I’ll never be able to forget. The beautiful and chaotic stage of little hands and feet, of big mess and emotions.
Read MoreI need to remind myself more,
That it doesn’t matter if I wear makeup or not.
Or if my clothes are fancy or second hand.
Or if my hair is done or messy.
As long as I’m comfortable however I look, all they want to see me wear is a smile.
It’s not lost on me,
The littleness of his hands and feet that curl when he feeds.
Or the rise and fall of his chest that steadies when we embrace.
Or the snuffling so
Read MoreI’m caught up in them.
You’ll find me sitting up in bed under dim lighting and sprawled sheets at night feeding him every few hours.
Read MoreA mother’s heart,⠀
It’s not just any heart.⠀
It’s exudes warmth, even on the darkest of days.⠀
It’s the sun breaking through the clouds, and the yellow flowers opening above the weeds.⠀ It knows no different. It’s mission is to love bravely. It’s purpose is to serve selflessly.
There you are,⠀
Looking at me as if I am everything you dreamed of. Your kind of perfection. Naïve to my insecurities and weaknesses.⠀
Soaking me in, unconditionally.⠀
Read MoreLittle eyes longing for me,⠀
When she’s meant to be asleep. ⠀
⠀
Little toes peeping under curtains,⠀
When we play hide and seek.⠀
Read MoreIt’s not just you that’s learning. It’s the two of us learning together. ⠀ ⠀
You learn I’m your safe place, while I learn to protect.⠀ ⠀
You learn to latch, while I learn to breastfeed.⠀ ⠀
Read MoreAnd just like that, everything in her world changed.⠀
She was overwhelmed with emotion as she tried to figure it all out in the few seconds after they met.
As I looked in the review mirror, there was an empty seat behind me. It was covered in crumbs. The window was marked with finger smudges and the back of the front passenger chair covered in muddy footprints.⠀
Read MoreSometimes I can’t wait to hand you over, just for a moment, so I can mop the floor, hang the washing out and have a cup of tea.
Sometimes you don’t want to go into the arms of another but I need it, just for a moment, so that I can have my independence, you can learn to trust and someone else can benefit from your cuddles.
Read More